Monday, February 21, 2011

Pity Party for 1

I hate that I haven’t had the motivation or energy to blog lately. I’ve never been one for apologizing when it comes to blogging...but my, how I’ve missed it. And how I’ve missed all of you. Thank you for sticking around – I adore all of you.

Where have I been? I was off having a pity party. And I hate having a pity party.

I understand that sometimes it’s totally necessary. There are times when I curl in bed watching game shows/so much HGTV that I want to remodel my entire house/Nicolas Sparks movies guaranteed to make me cry while eating cold pizza in my pajamas. Sometimes there’s nothing better.

But I hate when the pity party doesn’t end.

The last few months have been pretty challenging for this girl. I’m someone who is very good at hiding her emotions (a trait that I both love and hate) and I was holding stuff in for a long time. I figured that I was just feeling a little down, but it was ok. Sometime around November, I burst. I was an emotional wreck and I found myself crying every day. It was ugly. And not that “ugly pretty” that Tyra talks about on Top Model. Just ugly. So I decided that I needed to take a break, step back and figure out what was going on which sounds easy but is tough. Sometimes you find stuff about yourself that you don’t want to admit which is scary, but it’s important.

I don’t believe in resolutions but early this year I decided that 2011 was going to be a hell of a lot better than 2010. This meant that I was going to have to kick my ass in gear and get back to looking at myself in the mirror and recognizing the girl who was staring back at me. It also meant that I had to stop keeping it all inside and be willing to say “I’m not ok.” It has been a work in progress, but I’m feeling better.

A lot has changed – I started a new job. I went back to hobbies that I used to love. I’ve made more time for my husband and best friend who keep me grounded and are nothing but positive and I’ve avoided those things and people that are negative. Life is definitely not perfect. I’m not feeling 100% all the time, but the perfectionist in me is slowly coming to terms with that being normal. The roller coaster isn’t over, but I’m glad I made it down the first big drop.

I’m excited to be back and share my hateful rants with you. Trust me – I’ve had a lot that I wanted to document here. Like how I hate when I went to a new stylist and she showed up an hour late with a latte in her hand and no apology. Or how I hate when my new dishwasher broke and I realized how ridiculously fast we go through dishes and I was left drinking water out of my nice wine glasses (yes, I know this is was laziness – but it doesn’t mean I can’t hate it).

Finally, thank you all for your blogs. Even though I wasn’t updating, I kept up with them and they helped me a lot. You’re all fabulous.




Ley said...

LOVE that you are back! I've missed you ladies and you're amazing hate without being super negative blogs!

It's a hard thing to learn, but you have to put yourself first. Even if you have a wonderful support system, ultimately? You're responsible for your own happiness. Looks like we had the same non-resolution this year!

So here's to an awesome year full of fantastic people and great blogs!

"Miss Bee" said...

I'm glad you realized you weren't just "feeling a little down" and hope that 2011 has been off to a good start for you.

I can't wait to hear more from you. Let the hating begin...

iusedtodrinkperfume said...

Glad you're feeling better--never forget to be honest with yourself and slow down when your body tells you to! I've been there and back so many times...Keep doing what makes you happy, and keep the hatin' a-coming, it's probably therapeutic :)

Bi said...

Glad to see you have made a triumphant return! Sounds like you are doing all the right things.. I have found that if you treat yourself to ice cream once a day things get even better!

Bitter Betty said...

Glad you're back! Blogging can be very theraputic sometimes. Just letting all that stuff that's been building up inside find a way out of you, putting it down on computer screen and sending it into the universe to be read or not...feels good...welcome back!

DSS said...

Good for you!! I know it isn't easy to step back and say "I need/want to make a change". So glad to hear you are beginning to recognize the girl in the mirror again.

I do hope you will get on with those rants, because quite frankly...I'm tired of reading all of these nice people's blogs. hahaha...JUST KIDDING!

Anonymous said...

Welcome back! Like you, I am counting on 2011 being a whole new year for me. So far it has been a big jumble of ups and downs, highs and lows, but I'll get there. Looking forward to reading your world famous rants again! - G

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