Monday, June 7, 2010

Who are the people in your neighborhood?

I hate my neighbors.

Remember the Sesame street song about the "people in your neighborhood"? You know the one..."Say, who are the people in your neighborhood? The people that you meet each day". Well, let me tell you about my neighbors. Trust me, you won't see NPH dancing around singing about telly's shoes or the Cookie Monster in my neighborhood.

What you will see are kids who need to simmer down and go to their own houses/apartments to drink their cheap beer and 40s and catcall to each other. Seriously, I don't care what you do but STOP LITTERING ON MY LAWN! My dogs don't need to choke on your chicken wings or huge slabs of beef jerky (seriously?). I know who lives on my block and let me tell you, a block full of families and special needs people (most of the block) are not out at 3am calling to each other from across the streets screaming "GIRL, WHERE YOU AT".

Also? I hate the men who sit at the end of the block on the church steps asking me if I "habla español" AFTER they have made a bunch of ridiculously gross, inappropriate, and icky comments about my body and what they'd like to do to it, in spanish. Thanks for asking after the fact. What tipped you off, my disgusted face as I rush my dogs along the block or me turning around and walking them the other way when I see you? Look I'm half spanish so this isn't rude, this is just a fact. This does lead me to the other neighborhood creeps.

Again while walking the dogs I stumbled upon 3 guys walking towards the busy street. One guy was super nice and polite, talking to my dogs, introducing himself and just being considerate. One guy was hanging back quiet and the third, oh lord was he trying my patience. First he was all "where you been at girl, you come from a club?" I was like what the what, I'm walking my dogs and wearing a halter cause its hot as hell, with jeans and flip flops, what club does he think I was at? But whatever, maybe I shouldn't hate on his ignorant ass because it could have been a weird way to tell me I looked nice, right? Yeah, no...because the next thing out of his mouth was "you know its my mans birthday, whats up, whats up". Excuse me? I will wish him a 'happy birthday' but I will NOT be giving him a happy ending. I hate how guys will be full on creeps while it's clear I'm picking up dog poop, not a man.

I hate the people in my neighborhood who take up 3 spaces of precious street parking instead of 1. We all know its a bitch to park, especially with limited spots and only 1 block where our permit is valid and half of them are handicapped spaces. So why be that asshole who pulls in between cars to make a few spaces into one because of the exact spacing, therefore becoming a bigger dick than kanye west to taylor swift. People, I will (and do) leave you hate notes on your windshields reminding you to be a considerate person but apparently manners went out with the Kennedy administration.

Also, would saying 'thank you' kill a person? I'm pretty sure my next post will be on how to handle no mannered tactless irresponsible assholes who don't know what the magic word is and think they're better then emily post.

I hate the people in my neighborhood and yes, I am that kind of neighbor that will peek out of my blinds and call the cops anonymously complaining about noise, loitering, litter, and tell the police I don't know whats going on but I see cars stopping and people handing them things in windows. Do not judge, I keep this place safe! If they have nothing on them, nothing to worry about.

Just be glad I don't have bricks to throw out of my windows at cars with alarms going off for hours and hours...



Ms. Emily Ann said...

Thank you for checking out my blog, and the comment! I am hoping to build followers, so I would love if you became one...and I LOVE the concept of your blog, but don't see a place to follow it. I can't say I completely hate my neighbors, but I do hate late night after parties, with music blaring until 5 am -which happens at least once every 2 wks. I look forward to reading more!

LiLu said...

I'm 99% sure we're neighbors.

andygirl said...

thanks for commenting on my bloggage. I'm glad too, because I am loving your blog. funn!

and damn, your neighborhood is like a T Mobile commercial. I kid, but I grew up in a neighborhood like that. I don't hate my neighbors, but I am so bad at being friends with them. they all remember my name, but their names are cat lady, plant lady, dude with the huge ass truck, and family with the spoiled brat. yeah. and once you're friends with your neighbors, they want to be all at your house, talking. I talk ALL day at work. when I come home, it's quiet time. SHH. quiet time.

Ally said...

i hate my neighbors too and i'm so that person peeking behind the curtain calling the cops. too funny!

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