Thursday, July 1, 2010

Wedding Frustration

As you read this title, you may think "What?! Who hates weddings?" It would seem a little weird to hate them seeing that I had one. I should make it clear that I don't actually hate weddings. In fact, I'd say that I've enjoyed almost every wedding that I've gone to. As Veronica would say, "I love love" and I absolutely adore watching friends and families who are in amazing relationships get married. However, one thing that I get frustrated with are people who care more about "their wedding" than "getting married”.

When I got married, I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited to wear a pretty white dress and dance the night away or that I didn’t squeal when someone bought us our ice cream maker, but what really mattered to me was having my family and friends celebrate with us. Knowing how expensive weddings can be, we tried really hard to make it affordable for our guests. We held the wedding at the time when it would be cheapest to travel where we live. We blocked hotel rooms at several different priced hotels. We had a registry with gifts in all price ranges. Every RSVP that said "yes" was exciting and a surprise. I am really grateful when other friends and families do the same.

Now, I’d never tell someone how to throw their wedding. If you want to get married in Paris, that’s awesome and I’m sure it will be gorgeous. If you want to register for a $500 slow cooker, fantastic! I bet you’ll make some delicious lemon chicken in it and I’ll likely ask you for the recipe. However, I have trouble when people expect me to “find a way” to attend these weddings. And I really hate that I feel guilty when I don’t go.

I've noticed that this has become a trend among a lot of people that I know. In fact, one girl said "I want MY WEDDING to be what I WANT and I don't care, people HAVE to come. They will find the money and deal with it." Um...why should I have to "deal"? By "deal" with it, do you mean that I can skip your wedding and not buy a gift? Because I really don’t feel like getting a new credit card so I can go. Going to weddings can be expensive, I totally get it. However, I think that people sometimes forget that their wedding may not be the #1 priority to all of their guests.

Recently I was invited to a friend’s wedding. When I got the Save the Date card, I was all prepped to go. However, as I started looking into the details of the day, I was a bit...shocked. It's a destination wedding. There are no blocked hotel rooms and the cheapest room in the area is $250/night. Nothing on the registry is under $100. At the end of the day this wedding will cost me $1000. I hate admitting it, but as dollar signs were running through my head, I thought "I'm not going." And I’m scared to send back the RSVP card because I know she’s going to be pissed.

Maybe I should blame WEtv and Bridezillas...except that Bridezillas can be extremely entertaining.

Love,

Betty

14 comments:

Jennifer said...

Not everyone is a billionaire who can afford to pay that much just to go to a wedding! That's so crazy. Is there nothing that they want or need that costs less than $100?

leymilne said...

Ugh. Bridezillas. I work with them all the time, and encounters with them very nearly drive me to drink! When I got married, I really didn't care where it happened or what I was wearing--the most important part of the ceremony was who I was walking down the aisle towards, and not what canapes were served. A few people were miffed that we only had finger foods at our reception, since we threw a big barbecue at a local park instead of having a fussy sit-down meal. I've found that the people who treat their wedding like it's the number one social event of the century tend to be the people that treat their children as trophies....

Laura said...

i totally agree.. and actually we're only doing a wedding for family :) and taking them all on a cruise (immediate family) and doing the ceremony on the beach in St. Thomas. So gald we're not spending 100,000 on our wedding!

Margaret said...

When Husband and I got married, I think the thing I was *most* excited about was seeing my mom, her parents, and all four of her brothers together for the first time in nearly 15 years. Best present ever.

JPO said...

Haha. Loved this.

I've been married twice. First wedding--450 guest 50,000 and $500 slow cookers. Second wedding--60 guest 10,000 and NO GIFTS please.

And let me tell you....I loved MY second wedding. It was so much more intimate, my guest had much more fun and I didn't have to try and remember my third cousin's husband's name. If all brides knew what I know now, they wouldn't take out a loan against their house to pay for a wedding their friends will hate!

DSS said...

Don't even get me started on weddings, and destination bachelorette parties, and destination showers.....everyone I know has gotten married in the last 2 years and this girl is BROKE ;( When I get married I'm seriously going to have it in my backyard and just ask people to BYOB for a wedding gift. Sigh.

akjayelle said...

I just had a girlfriend who had to send an RSVP back saying that she couldn't come because the wedding was going to cost her too much and she was supposed to be IN it! I understand dream weddings, but people need to get a grip and realize that our economy is not being very accommodating at the moment. There are probably plenty of ways to have a great wedding that's not an extravagant wedding. Good luck with your RSVP!

andygirl said...

Yeeah, so I think many brides today (maybe because of TV and film) forget that it's actually *not* their day. It's not all about the bride. You get married for yourself. You have a wedding for your friends and family.

That's what I think anyway.

Candy said...

This blog is too funny and cute... what a way to express our not-so-optimistic sides- ha! Yes, I agree about expensive wedding registries and accomodations... I mean, we are supposed to be the guests, right??

leashieloo said...

Ugh, I have actually lost a friend over her bridezilla behavior. Good luck with the RSVP, I dread wedding invites myself.

walkingwithnora.com said...

It's hard to send back the RSVP card as a no, but sometimes you've just got to do it. I would love to have a destination wedding but if I do that, only close family & friends will be invited, and I'll save everyone else for a big party when I get back. It's just way too expensive sometimes!

myuncensoredlife said...

I wouldn't go if it cost me that much. I understand that your friend wants to have the "perfect" wedding but she shouldn't expect people to pay that much to attend. How awesome are you to consider people when planning your wedding!

qwithouttheu said...

I totally agree with you. But what's worse that attending these over the top weddings is BEING IN the over the top wedding. A $400 hideous bridesmaids dress that you will never wear again..?! Really?! Ugh.

i used to drink perfume said...

A friend of mine is getting married in COSTA RICA in January. I'm delaying telling her that if she wants me to go she'll have to buy my everything. Ugh.

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