Sunday, October 24, 2010

I hate....Break ups

Neila Sedaka had it right when he sang "Breaking Up is Hard to Do". I've been reminiscing a lot lately about past boyfriends and current exes and I surmise that breaking up really is hard to do. Oh sure, there's the initial breakup which totally sucks but it doesn't just end with one convo. Breakups linger. There's the exchanging of items, whether it be clothes, dvds, care bears (okay not really but I love jonathan groff and glee). If you've been together long enough, who gets what friends? Is it okay to still talk to an ex's family? How much is just right or too much?

An ex bf a few years ago was a pretty crazy guy but I did love his mother. When we broke up, there was an apartment we shared a lease on for about 3 months. He was supposed to move everything out but the day before the lease was up he had done nothing. So his mother and I went and packed up the apartment. We talked about life, the failed relationship, and love. When we packed up the box I knew this was the final conversation. With a hug and a goodbye it was over. Could I have kept talking to her? Of course and she would have gladly done it but I knew that it would bother my ex and it was his life.

When you get broken up with, you don't really want constant reminders of the person who hurt you, even if you think you do. The ex wants to move on and it's hard to do with the other person still there. You feel bad in any position, whether you do the breaking up or get broken up with. Sometimes the bad you feel is really just sad or the bad is mad. Either way, somethings you just have to let go. Sometimes you have to throw out all the ticket stubs, the tshirt you slept in and just make a fresh start.

I made my fresh start this week by letting go via facebook which is stupid but helpful. I took off the ex, most of his friends who I know but am not close with, and his family (even his sister who I love but it just didn't feel right). I just felt it was time to move on. I am not going to pretend that things are good because they're not. But I am not going to dwell. Life keeps moving and I am going to keep growing and learning.

At the end of every breakup, there's always the thought of how sad things are to end but as I look at my life right now, all I see are beginnings. As Ecclesiastes and The Byrds reminds me...

To Everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven
A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing




Anonymous said...

This was beautiful and sad, and brave too. It is hard when you break up with someone and you are really close to their family and friends, but for the sake of the ex, and for moving on, its the right thing to do. FB and social media have added a whole new layer of complication to the break up process too, one that we didn't have to deal with 10 years ago.
Hope your heart heals soon. Take care. - G

Anonymous said...

Break-ups are hard to do.
I have to ditch the ex on facebook, clean out my pictures and rid my room of any/all reminders as quickly as possible if I even have a chance at moving on in a timely fashion.
I've been rehashing a ton of my break-ups lately too and fortunately it has provided me with some much needed clarity.

Emily said...

I guess we are all in the same boat...

Paige said...

couldnt have said it any better... break-ups are a bitch.

Anonymous said...

I've been hung up on my most recent ex: a prolific cheater who was hiding his indiscretion in plain sight. The hardest thing to get over was not him so much as the feeling of stupidity for letting it happen right in front of me and the hurt that none of our common "friends" had the balls to say anything to me. This resulted in a total overhaul of my social circle. Everyone who had been dishonest with me in relation to the situation was out, no debate. Sometimes you need a total cleanse like that and to draw lines in the sand for your own sanity.

kmdelacruz said...

I'm struggling with so many of the things you talked about in this post. Which friends can I keep? What stuff can I keep - If it reminds me of him do I throw it out? Even if it's something I like? He deleted me off of facebook and got a new girlfriend just 2 weeks after we broke up and I was destroyed because we still work toghether and I know, after two years of dating, he still cares and misses me - but why is he being so stubborn? Letting it go is the hardest part.

How do you move on when you're not ready to? I know I'm the heart broken one here, but I can see it in his eyes - he's not over me.. So what do I do? I miss him, but he's with her. How do I let it go and move on?

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