What Up With...Pressure to Have Babies?

This past weekend I went to a party thrown by my in-laws. A lot of their family friends were in attendance, many of whom I haven't seen since my wedding. Several times that night we had this conversation:

Family Friend: "How are the newlyweds doing?"
Us: "We're great, thanks. How are you?"
Friend: "Good. So, when are you two going to start having children?"
Us: *silence*

When I was 13 or so, I thought I had my life planned out. I was going to graduate from college when I was 22, get married when I was 23 and have my first child when I was 25. It's funny how I was so sure I had my life planned out back then. The reality of my situation is that I graduated from college when I was 22, graduated from grad school at 26 and got married several months later. And we don't see babies anywhere in our near future.

When we tell people that we're not having children anytime soon, 9 times out of 10 we get "why not?!" I always respond with the truth: right now I think I'm too selfish to have a child. It sounds silly, but we really enjoy our independence. I like getting a phone call from a friend to go out on a Saturday night with 5 minutes notice and being able to leave without thinking about a babysitter. I like going to the movies at 10 p.m. I like throwing house parties with my college friends that last until sunrise. My career is really important to me and I want a few years to build it up before I have a baby. I'd like to pay down my student loans a bit. I want to take a month long trip through Europe. The list could go on and on. I know that motherhood doesn't mean the end of my life, but I just don't think that I'm ready. It doesn't mean that there won't be babies eventually - I'm actually very excited to have children (hopefully a girl that I'll name Cecilia Bloom, even though my husband thinks I'm crazy). Just not now.

After explaining this to someone the other day, I got the response "well, you have to think about people other than yourself when you think about having a child, like the child's grandparents. I'm sure they're ready for a grandchild." Um...ok? This doesn't just apply to family friends. No less then a week after my honeymoon my mom asked me when I'm going to have a baby and she asks me at least once a month. I guess I expect this from my mom. It's another thing when people who don't know me very well start weighing in.

I suppose after marriage it's normal to get the baby question and as annoying as it can be, I get it. What I hate is that we're sometimes told that we're selfish for wanting to wait.

Is it selfish?

I won't cave into pressure, but I'm running out of ways to answer the question without rolling my eyes (which is TOUGH. The fact that I can control my eye rolling in this situation is a big deal). Maybe I should make a little handout to give people when the question comes up so I don't actually have to say anything. Or just come up with a witty comeback that lets them know to stop asking. I'm now taking suggestions.

Love,

Betty